Twenty seven years years ago today I had one of life’s defining moments. I hit my bottom, in a life of drinking and drugging.I had no job, I had no money. I had spent my last dime on what was to be my last high. I was a single parent with a house to pay for and two kids to support.I was contemplating suicide. I felt my life was over. Little did I know my life was just beginning. God had a different plan for me.
My first year in recovery I had a job as a bartender. I would not recommend this but I needed a job and I was determined to stay clean and sober. I would head to a meeting after work. Sometimes I would go before work. I took every suggestion that the “old timers” gave me. 90 meetings in 90 days, get a homegroup, get a sponsor, no relationships for the first year. Slowly I started to find out who I was. I had lost myself for many years. I was on the adventure. One day at a time.
Recovery changed my social life for sure. I had to walk away from a lot of people. That was the hardest part. I learned a lot about grief. In the midst of missing people I also meet some awesome people. One of those people was Mark. It has been a blessing to be with someone who is in recovery. We started off as friends and now have been together 26 years. (We waited exactly a year.)
Life on life’s terms, has been interesting to say the least. There have been a lot of ups and downs. People who know me know how crazy things have been. There has been a lot of loss but there has been far more joy.Through the good times and the bad I have not had the desire to use. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years. There has been a peace in my life and I give all the credit to my higher power, Jesus Christ.
When I first got in recovery there was a small group of recovering addicts that I was very close to. A couple of them went back out and overdosed. One was murdered. One committed suicide. There are a few that seem to have mastered the ability to use socially. There are a couple who are still clean and sober and working on their recovery. I am glad I am among the later and very glad to have Mark with me.
My Grandchildren have never seen me drunk or high. They have been a huge part of my life. I have made so many memories with them and have been told that “I am the best Grandma ever.”Nothing means more to me than that.
My recovery does not define me but it is a huge part of who I am. It has given me the ability to learn a lot about life. I have learned a lot about people, trust, love, grief and hope.I have learned that life is a journey and so are all the feelings that come along with it. You can’t go back you can only go forward.
I have a wonderful life and I thank God everyday for it.